chocolate is a verb

colors, flavors, whims and other growing things

Mother’s Day

first Mother's Day jik-DAKIt’s my first Mother’s Day. I’m three months old; my mother is 37. Neither of us look entirely certain about the arrangement.

In my baby book, Dorothy has already noted that I “grew high and wide from the beginning,” that I was “unusually greedy for food” and that by the time this photo was taken, she had already added cereal to my formula because I “was always hungry.” Though it’s hard to know what she might have imagined about motherhood, this was more than she had bargained for.

It took her a long time to realize that neither she, nor I, could go back. The clock would not be unwound; her carefree life could not be recaptured.

Her hope for that miracle persisted, but, to her enormous credit, she became Mommy. If her enthusiasm for the role was limited, my father and Dr. Spock offered balance and direction. I thrived, grew high and wide, and learned to tread lightly.

I’m grateful — for all she did right and all the many, many things she could have, but didn’t, do wrong. Still, I wish that somehow she could have had the life and happiness she wanted.

7 responses to “Mother’s Day

  1. kristin May 10, 2015 at 9:46 am

    I think many new mothers find it isn’t what they thought. Especially if they haven’t spent time around other babies and little children. Lot’s of father’s to for that matter.

  2. Born To Organize May 13, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    Beautiful and poignant. It’s what you don’t say and almost say that makes this piece so breathtaking.

  3. jik May 13, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Thank you so much, Alys!

  4. Born To Organize May 13, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Chocolate was a great hook, but I stayed for the excellent writing.

  5. Kim Bultman May 15, 2015 at 8:32 am

    I recognize that “tentative” look (there are many with a similar “look” in our family photo albums), and LOVE how forgiving and understanding your writing and thoughts are. I wish my Mom that same elusive happiness. Thank you.

  6. jik May 15, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Thanks, Kim, so much.

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